So, I ask myself why this happened. The main reason is mentioned above, which certainly isn't entirely the blame, but didn't help matters either. There are actually tons of causes I suppose. Peer pressure, simple teenage curiosity, stress, lack of work or other productive activity, inability to make friends, bad grades, bad relationships with friends or boyfriends and so many more things that don't bother us as adults but can be very devastating to teenagers. Teens can be influenced very easily, as many of us with kids know, and it's just natural behavior for many teens to rebel. But there is one thing that sticks out in my mind. I feel my kids started using drugs because of low self esteem. Don't ask my why, they are all beautiful girls but 2 of them were a little heavy and never had steady boyfriends like the 3rd daughter. Unfortunately the 3rd daughter became involved with a guy that was a dealer in the area and is now spending a couple years in prison. The 2 younger daughters were always together, joined at the hip most of their growing up years and I think what one did, the other one did. My middle daughter had diabetes on top of being a little heavy, so that also made her different. So to compensate for all these feelings and what they felt were going through, they experimented with drugs because it helped them forget all that they were feeling for a short time and it escalated into a huge problem. It made them feel 10 foot tall and bullet-proof. It made them popular, at least to the other druggies, because they had the car and money and drugs. Who wouldn't want to hang out with them and why not do these things, because it helped them feel great physically, mentally and emotionally.
Most homes are dysfunctional to some extent. You're fooling yourself if you disagree. NO one lives a perfect life and NO one is a perfect parent. My husband and I are both professional people. I am a Registered Nurse, my husband is a Water Treatment Plant Operator. We both work full time jobs, pay our bills on time, live in a house that we own and have goals for our lives and our kids lives. We have 5 kids together, currently the kids are 15 through 24, all girls except the youngest. We have been together for 12 years, married for 4 years and have given our kids everything they needed and more. We actually built on to the house so each kid would have their own room. We all get along, and the kids do too, although they have had their moments. What family of 7 hasn't? We have supported the kids through every stage they went through and encouraged them when they needed it and we are ALWAYS here, at least when they were all in their teens and we don't party or do drugs. We basically put our lives on hold about the time the oldest turned 13 or so and were always home when they needed us. We've had fights about 'your kid, my kid' issues, but never to the degree that we didn't work it out. For the last year, we haven't fought about the kids at all.
Many think that if you have a dysfunctional home, it's because of a set of dysfunctional parents, and usually that's where the blame lies. If parents are dysfunctional, those messages can be projected onto the kids. Kids in this type of environment may interpret those messages to mean...
- I'm not important.
- I'm in the way.
- I'm a problem for myself and others.
- I'm unattractive.
- I'm too loud, too quiet or other.
- I'm not smart; I'm stupid.
- I can't do anything right.
- I can't be trusted.
- I'm selfish and demanding.
- I'll never amount to anything.
- I'm not loved.
- I'm not wanted or needed.
- Self-acceptance: the feelings we have about ourselves.
- Self-worth: the value we place upon ourselves.
- Self-feeling: how in touch we are with our feelings.
- Self-focus: our ability to look at ourselves.
- Self-growth: our commitment to our growth and maturity.
- Self-nurturing: our level of caring for ourselves.
- Self-guidance: our ability to set a course for our lives.
- Self-determination: our commitment to ourselves.
- Self-healing: our ability to care for our minds and bodies.
- Self-love: our ability to love who we are.
- Self-acceptance
I feel happy with the things I do.
I love and appreciate myself for who I am.
I like my appearance.
- Self-worth
I have a lot to give myself and to others.
I have many good qualities.
I know it's okay to have the things I want.
I am an important person.
- Self-feeling
I am not afraid of my feelings.
I love to love and to be loved.
I know it's okay to have fun and enjoy myself.
- Self-focus
I do what's right for myself.
I stand up for myself and what I feel.
I am not afraid to be myself.
I know that it's okay to take care of my needs.
- Self-growth
I take risks and open up to others.
I accept and make changes in my life.
I feel excited about my growth.
I like setting goals for myself.
I find each day challenging and exciting.
- Self-nurturing
I take good care of myself.
I treat myself the way I'd like others to treat me.
I am patient with myself.
I give love to myself.
I make choices that are right for me.
- Self-guidance
I know I have strength within me.
I have wisdom and patience to achieve my desires.
I make decisions for myself.
- Self-determination
I am proud of my accomplishments.
I am always ready to set new goals.
I can do whatever I set out to do.
My life is filled with meaning.
- Self-healing
I treat my body with respect.
I have the power to make myself feel good.
I like how I feel inside.
- Self-love
I attract loving relationships in my life.
I feel happy with my life.
I love myself.
No matter why the drug user starts using or keeps using, what it does to the them is cause a slow death. What it does to the families and friends is a slow and never ending mourning. It's never gone, it always haunts you, you are actually addicted to the addicted. It overwhelms you, takes your every moment, awake and asleep. You wake in the morning and make sure they're still alive and if they don't live with you, you call to make sure they're OK and thank God you didn't get a call in the night. If you pass a policemen on the way down your street, you're convinced they're going to your house. It's really no different for the addict, because that same behavior is projected on finding and doing drugs. If you're an addict, or a family of an addict, there is help out there. Please find it...ask someone, BEG someone to help you. When you're actively using drugs, you aren't going to ask for help because in that state of mind all you think about is getting more drugs. You'll have to hit rock bottom first. Unfortunately, for many that's death. Don't let it get to that.
The following video hits home. My daughter was in jail and told me to watch this video but especially listen to the words of this song. I did and cried for myself, for her and for all the addicts and families of addicts out in this big old world. It's a very fitting song.
"Hate Me"
(If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.)
(”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you ware doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye”)
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you
[Children voices:]
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming,
if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me.
I can't believe you actually picked me
[Girl:] Hey Justin! [x12]
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